Holiday Survival Guide For Divorced Fathers
If you’re a divorced father, these tips will help you be the dad your kids need this holiday season. If both parents can keep in mind that the needs of the children should come first, you and their mother should be able to cooperate on a plan so that the kids enjoy the best of the holidays.
In this Divorced Fathers Rights guide we give divorced dads tips for surviving the difficult holiday season.
Develop a plan together with the mother
Avoid conflict and fighting during this time and take steps to be a great father, instead of the bad guys. If the mother isn’t cooperative, don’t argue with her but do spend the time allotted with your children and make the most of it. Have the same attitude if you’re the one with primary custody.
Be flexible
If the children have holiday activities scheduled, you’ll need to work around those things. Your willingness to adapt will allow the kids to gain the most from their holiday experience.
Maintain a pleasant attitude
If you interact with the mother during the holidays, don’t allow any residual bitterness or anger you’re feeling to surface. Keep the holidays peaceful for the sake of the children.
Ask the children for input about holiday plans and regard their wishes when possible
Let them know you’ve got to make a plan that fits with everyone but that their input is important.
Don’t try to outdo the mother when it comes to gift-giving
It’s never a good idea to try to compete for the kids’ affection. Be a good dad, provide what you can, have meaningful interaction with your children and that will be enough to satisfy them. In the same way, don’t indulge the kids with “stuff” just because you feel bad about what has happened. Make up for it relationally, not materially.
Start new traditions with the kids
If you’ve got primary custody and you got the old tree along with the decorations, then put them up. But if you don’t have them, then find something different to do that is a fresh start for you and the children. Helping those less fortunate, making cookies for neighbors, making homemade pizza, setting off legal fireworks, sledding or ice skating, or other appropriate things can be traditions you build with your children that they look forward to each year.
Use your free time productively
Dads, when alone during part of the holiday season, can become depressed, drink too much or engage in other counter-productive behaviors. Spend your time with caring family and friends. Serve the needs of others by volunteering or taking meals to home-bound individuals. Shovel snow for elderly neighbors or help them hang up holiday lights. Take care of yourself and you’ll be in a better frame of mind when you do have time with your children.
By all means, do not use the holiday season to hold back child support payments because you have the added expense of gifts. This is one of the biggest mistakes a divorced dad can make and it only hurts the children.