How to Deal with Sole Custody When She Won’t let you See Your Kids

Mothers with sole physical custody sometimes make it very difficult for the father to see his kids. She may miss scheduled meetings to transfer the kids, not be home when you go to pick them up, or make up excuses for changing weekends or denying you a scheduled weekend. She may also attempt to involve the kids by telling you they don’t want to spend time with you because it takes away from their social life or disrupts their schedule.

This is a common result of custody settlements that give her sole custody and the father limited visitation rights. Over at, they state that,

Fathers must be especially diligent if they want to gain shared or sole custody due to issues of gender bias in custody cases. While it shouldn’t be an issue in the modern world, it still remains one of a father’s greatest battles during a divorce proceeding.

If you are in this predicament, what can be done to restore your rights to quality time with your children?

How Divorced and Birth Dads Maintain Visitation Rights with their Kids

First, be reasonable with the mother of your children, asking her to abide by the custody or divorce settlement. If she refuses to follow the rules, you’re going to have to deal with this is court. Here’s a strategy for getting the courts to enforce your visitation rights, which she might attempt to have terminated.

Be Flexible: If your kids or their mother want to swap a weekend here and there for good reasons, be willing to do it, as long as you’re treated fairly and with the same respect in return.

Document Everything: Keep a calendar that shows when your visitation was delayed, shortened or skipped altogether. Document what time you got the kids and when they were transferred back to their mother.

Make All Child Support Payments: Never stop your scheduled child support payments. They are a separate issue from visitation. Fulfill your responsibilities and the courts will have to support your rights.

Be a Great Dad: When you’ve got the kids, stick to the agreed-upon ground rules. Provide good meals, make sure they do homework, maintain appropriate bedtimes, take them to their scheduled games or to church, and include them in family chores and activities if you are remarried and they’ve got step-siblings. Besides being the right thing for your kids, it will eliminate any reason the court might have for restricting your rights.

Attempt to Prevent Her from Moving: In many divorce settlements, it is mandated that neither spouse can move more than a certain distance, often 50 miles, without the courts approval. Notify the court of an impending move and try to get it stopped.

Push for Contempt of Court Charges: If you’ve got court-ordered visitation and she is denying you access to your kids, she is in contempt of court.

Securing your Visitation Rights as a Father

If a divorce order is in place establishing the parameters of your visitation, seek the courts help in securing your visitation rights. You might not need an attorney to assist in this. If the courts are slow to respond or enforce your rights, or if your rights are so limited as to be unfair, enlisting the aid of a lawyer might be necessary. You should not be denied your rights, and these tips will help you enjoy them to the fullest.